


i love you (i'm sorry)

by aintnoyouaintnome



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dean in Panties, M/M, Pining Dean Winchester, Suicidal Dean Winchester, bottom!dean implied
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-17
Updated: 2019-06-17
Packaged: 2020-05-13 16:19:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19254766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aintnoyouaintnome/pseuds/aintnoyouaintnome
Summary: In which Dean yearns for Sam's love while Sam is away at Stanford.





	i love you (i'm sorry)

**Author's Note:**

> i tried something different and this isn't exactly in a story format but i hope you like it!

We're together in my dreams. Falling in love at the dark side of the moon, in graveyards with the corpses as witness, in motel rooms with neon lights and hushed whispers and teeth marks on my inner thighs, blood spilled with my knife in your hand - white sheets crimson now. On pale nights when we're whiskey drunk, the moonlight lighting your face up as you smile just for me. You're right here next to me in my dreams and in my dreams you put your hands on me, sure&willing&mine.

...But you're not mine. 

If you want me to, I can be just like her. I can be a sweet little thing all for you. Reduce myself to lavender velvet silk and satin (all for you). I'll drown in her perfume, I'll drown my old self. I can be nothing and I can be whole, all for you. I can be a silhouette of myself... if it only makes you come back.  
I'm sorry. I'm sorry but I can't help it. Wanna love you and love you and love you and be yours. We can make our own forever. Doesn't have to be happily ever after. Just now, here, presently yoursyoursyours. Craving you; hungry, starved, desperate.  
I'm terrified and I hate myself. I'm sicksicksick.  
I hate you for leaving. I hate you for taking my heart with you. I hate that I miss you. Miss your smell, your laugh, your eyes, your hands.  
Come back come back come back. 

Come back if only just to kill me because I've been rotting on the cheap bedspreads, I've been choking on thin air and I've been hollow and it doesn't matter. So kill me because it won't matter.  
Put your hands on my neck and don't let me breathe. I don't want to breathe the air we're not sharing. Put your hands on my neck and choke me and hurt me (please please, touch me). 

Hungry, starved desperate. It's obvious, I know. I love you when I shouldn't. I crave you but I'm not allowed. Wanna hold you, wanna touch. I'm sick, I know. I wish I could pretend, but loving you is all I know. Maybe that's why you left?  
I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry. 

Goodbye, Sammy.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! tell me what you thought of it. i was planning to write something sweet and my brain was like: nahh gotta make it sad. sorry :p


End file.
